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Georgia Green Stamper – Georgia On Her Mind

  • Georgia On My Mind: 'Swag Money' fires incompetent cyber-assistant

    I fired my personal assistant. I got worried she was a spy for the CIA using my ho-hum life as a front. Bumbling around working for me, a Kentucky grandmother on Medicare, she was respectably dull and invisible, ready to take on any ISIS terrorists who may have penetrated the frozen foods section of my local Kroger.
    If not an undercover agent, however, she certainly was the most incompetent assistant in history. Or maybe the most impertinent.

  • Georgia: On my mind - Detective works pays off for class of 1963 reunion

    Ernie and I have hit upon a new plan to supplement our retirement income.
    We’re starting up the Georgia & Ernie Detective Agency.
    I’m kidding around, of course, but with the help of our classmates, friends, the News-Herald and the Internet, we’ve done the near impossible - to announce our 51st Class Reunion (yes we forgot to plan a 50th) on Aug. 2, we’ve located a mailing address for the 58 living members of the Owen County High School Class of 1963.  

  • Georgia: On my mind - Trust me Honey, it’s not easy getting older

    “You see, of course, if you’re not a dunce, How it went to pieces all at once, –
    All at once, and nothing first, –
    Just as bubbles do when they burst.”

    Oliver Wendell Holmes
    “The Deacon’s Wonderful One-Hoss Shay”

    I was striding through middle age without a stumble when I bumped smack into Honey.

  • Georgia - On Her Mind: Say goodbye to Livingood

    Did you hear about Zee Livingood? She passed away last week from complications of good health, the coroner says!
    I was so upset when we got the news that my husband had to shove a gluten-filled doughnut into my mouth and put me to bed with a Diet Pepsi.

  • Georgia - On my mind: Every generation finds its own way

    My daughter and I were five hours into a road trip with two grandchildren bored in the backseat. They’d exhausted the usual diversions and had sunk to the level of bug-your-sibling-until-it-squeals. That’s when I pulled out an old compact disc of Tom T. Hall’s Greatest Hits I keep in my car.
    The 13-year-old began to gag. Inspired by her humor, the 9-year-old joined in with noises only a boy can make. I restrained myself from giving them my opinion of current pop music. Every new generation celebrates its own, I understand.

  • Georgia - On Her Mind: You may recreate the recipe but not the woman

    It rarely snows this early in the upper south, but it drizzles more days than it doesn’t. If you’re not careful you can vanish into the mist on a Kentucky back road like Heathcliff on the moors of England. My family was luckier than most. We had Aunt Helen and her recipe for cast-iron skillet spaghetti to keep us on course through the gray days of November. Through the tedious weeks of stripping tobacco. Through frigid mornings on a schoolbus as we made the 20-mile trip to school. Or trudging, as she did, day after day, to a typewriter in an office.

  • The girls who balanced Cleaver and Steinem

     “We’re steel magnolias,” Sondra said.
    That, I thought, pretty well summarized the spirit and character of the women around our table.  
    The girls of summer again, 12 of us met to eat Willy-Whoppers at The Smith House, the same little place where we discovered them when we were teenagers.

  • Georgia on her mind - When fear runs wild, gas-station glasses can be ideal for defense

    When things go bump in the night and the house creaks, I lie in bed and worry that someone is living in our attic. My guess would be the mysterious Gerald Stamper whose mail has been delivered to our address for over a decade.  “White Pages” even lists him as a member of our household though we have no clue who he is.

  • Georgia on her mind - Jerry Lee Lewis and hymns don’t mix well

    Though I’m a grandmother now, I can slide without warning through Alice’s looking glass, where I catch glimpses of the girl I used to be. When the near forgotten scents of a spring night in May sneak up behind me, when – well, it happened again on Sunday morning, about the time my large congregation of city Methodists hit the chorus of that old gospel hymn, “In the Garden.”

  • Georgia: on her mind - Wisdom, clean closets, and a little heresy

    I got caught in the tailwind of my old friend, Birthday, as he raced through another April. I admit that I lost my balance for an hour or two. “You’re old,” Birthday taunted as he flew past me on his way to outrun next year before I can blink.
    “That’s not nice,” I shouted after him. “And besides, Old is the new New. Old, now that the Baby Boomers are on Medicare, is IN.”