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Religion

  • Nothing like electric fences and electrifying Christians

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    There’s the tale about the death row inmate who had been strapped into the electric chair, and the warden was ready to flip the switch.

    “Do you have any last requests?” the warden asked the prisoner.

    “All I ask is that you hold my hand,” the prisoner said.

    Every farm kid who has had exposure to electric fences knows just what would happen if the warden were to hold that man’s hand when the switch was thrown.

  • The more I think about it, the more I'm happy I have a God to yell at

    Every Saturday morning I go to the Panera Bread near my house and write my column for the following week.

    I order an egg white and cheese breakfast sandwich and a small coffee and sit at the table that faces the big window so I can watch the traffic go by.

    I spread my stuff out, my notepad and pen and laptop and assorted notes. Most weeks I already know what I’m going to write about, but not always.

  • Local Church News | April 20, 2016

    Cedar Hill Baptist Church

    Bro. Bill’s message was from Isaiah 5:20-21 entitled ‘Pro-God’.  Because we do love people, we need to be willing to share the truth of God’s word with them.

    ARC will meet at 6 p.m. today (Wednesday). If you need transportation call 484-5236 or 514-1594.

    Continue to remember in prayer the Perkins family, the Jennings family and the Duvall family. Also, pray for Craig Howard, Mary Cobb, R.C. Swigert and others who are dealing with illnesses and injuries.

  • Buddy doesn't like being the only one pulling

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    A city slicker ran his car into a ditch while traveling a country road. Fortunately, a local farmer came to help with his big horse named Buddy.

    The farmer hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Buddy didn’t move.

    Then the farmer hollered: “Pull, Buster, pull.” Buddy didn’t respond.

    Once more the farmer shouted: “Pull, Coco, pull.” Buddy didn’t budge.

  • Some spring cleaning and an assortment of random thoughts

    The other day my husband opened up both of the closet doors in our bedroom and pointed out that my stuff has progressively crept into his closet and that I should do something about it.

    “Like throw your stuff out to make more room for mine?” I asked.

    Um, the answer to that would be no.

    So, I got a plastic bag and started filling it with clothes I no longer wear, and then I started going through old file folders filled with notes and beginnings of columns. That always prompts a bits and pieces column, like today’s. So, here goes:

  • Local Church News | April 13, 2016

    Cedar Hill Baptist Church

    We were blessed today as Bro. Bill shared a message, “Stop Signs of Faith,” taken from Isaiah 55:8-9 and other passages.  The way we follow the laws of our country is often the way we follow God’s directions and He has shown us through His Son and His Word how to live, even though we often think we know better and choose our own way.

    Hope the kids have had a great spring break and ready to be back in ARC on Wednesday. If transportation is needed, call 484-5236.

  • Not now, Donald. Can't you see I'm busy?

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    The way I like to tell the story, Harold Wainscott was in a restaurant with his wife Betty Jo and their friends David and Mary Marlow while on a senior citizens’ trip to New York City.

    Billionaire Donald Trump was seated at a table across the room. Harold saw an opportunity to impress Betty Jo and the Marlows, his neighbors in Owenton, population 1,300.

  • There's a price for your prayer but Jesus already paid the cost

    How much would you pay to have your prayers answered?

    For the past four years, until the Seattle-based website with 1.3 million Facebook fans was taken down, people could pay the Christian Prayer Center between $9 and $35 to pray for them.

    From 2011 to 2015, more than 125,000 people forked over more than $7 million for their more than 400,000 transactions/prayer requests.

  • Local Church News | April 6, 2016

    Monterey Baptist Church

    We celebrated Sunday morning with Brian and Tara Hawkins and their children Austin, Bailey, and Brayden as they officially joined our church family. Welcome Hawkins family!

    We wish Shirley Hardin a speedy recovery as she recovers from a mild stroke.

    There will be a church workday beginning at 9 a.m., Saturday, April 16. Lunch will be on your own.

  • Wives can't be changed by shoving them into elevators

    A family of country bumpkins went to the city for the first time for a vacation.

    The man of the family and his son stood in the hotel lobby looking at an elevator. They’d never seen one before, and they were wondering what it was.

    That’s when a rather large and unattractive woman walked up to that elevator and pushed the button.

    The father and son watched her step inside and watched as the doors closed behind her.

    A minute or so later, they heard a ding. The elevator doors opened and beautiful young lady walked out.