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Religion

  • Aint it The Truth: Tenacious little turtle thought he could fly

    Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs, and crashed to the ground.
    After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
    The turtle tried time and again while a couple of birds sat on a branch and watched him.
    Finally, the female bird turned to her mate and said: “Dear, don’t you think it’s time we tell him he’s adopted?”

  • Church news for Oct. 22, 2014

    Beech Grove Baptist
    The message was taken from Luke 9:49-56, “Impressions From Jesus.”

  • Aint it The Truth: Old man’s moped outruns brand-new Corvette

    An old man on a moped pulls up next to a young fellow in a Corvette at a stoplight.
    “What kind of car you got there?” the old guy asks, his thumbs tucked into his suspenders.
    “It’s a 2014 Corvette, special made,” the young fellow boasted. “It cost me nearly $80,000.”
    The old fellow leaned in and took a look. He saw the stick shift on the floor, the stylish steering wheel, and the speedometer that registered over 200 mph.
    “Mighty nice,” the old man said.

  • Aint it The Truth: Handsome man, beautiful woman get ugly baby

    One of the funniest stories I’ve heard in a while is about the especially handsome man who decided it was his God-given responsibility to marry an extraordinarily beautiful woman so they could have the best looking children ever.
    He happened onto a farmer who had three breathtakingly gorgeous daughters. So he explained to the farmer his mission, and asked permission to marry one of his daughters. The farmer agreed, telling him to look them over and take his pick.

  • Aint it The Truth: Unlike us, Jesus is never too busy to take our calls

    I was amused the other day to read some suggested voicemails greetings that truly are a sign of the times in which we live.
    Here’s one that gave a chuckle:
    “Hello, I’m not here right now. In fact, I’m out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I’ll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.”
    And this one:

  • Aint it The Truth: Pigs don’t want you eating out of their bowls

    There’s the story of the preacher who worked up quite the appetite after a long day of knocking on doors, inviting people to church.
    At the last home he was to visit that day, the lady of the house asked him if he’d like something to eat. He eagerly said yes, and she handed him a bowl filled with a strange, smelly mixture. He wasn’t certain what it was, but he was so hungry he began spooning down the contents.
    As the preacher ate, he noticed this little pig running around the kitchen, squealing loudly and giving him lots of attention.

  • Church news for July 9, 2014

    Elk Lick Baptist
    Bro. John’s sermon was on Matthew 26:27-28, “Power In the Blood.”
    All the goats, sheep, doves or anything they scarified weren’t good enough. They had to keep sacrificing to cover their sins.
    Jesus’ blood was shed on the cross once for the atonement for our sins. Jesus’ blood has the power to redeem. Jesus’ blood can free us from eternity in hell and separate from him in his heavenly glory.
    Louise Johnson sang “Without Him.”

  • Roger Alford: What do you call a parrot that doesn’t talk? Delicious

    I love the story about the homesick son who wanted to buy his mom the perfect gift. He searched through every store but nothing struck a chord until he walked into a pet shop and found a parrot that spoke five languages. He immediately paid big bucks for the bird and shipped it home to his mother. A few days later he called and asked her how she liked the parrot. His mom responded, “It was delicious.”
    The son was sad that his mom had eaten a bird that spoke all those languages. Her response: “Well, why didn’t it say something?”

  • Roger Alford: Godly people bravely face up to life’s hard parts

    I can’t help but laugh when I think of the story I heard long ago about the young preacher’s visit with an elderly widow who, upset about losing her dentures, needed to be consoled.
    The preacher sat on the sofa and nibbled from a dish of peanuts on the end table while he tried to cheer her with the latest news about her church friends. Before long he realized he had made a real pig of himself and apologized to the woman for having eaten every last one of her peanuts.

  • Roger Alford: Power of God is on full display every day

    One of the best illustrations of an overinflated ego is in the story about the woodpecker that perched itself on a mighty oak tree, reared back and took a whack just as a bolt of lightning hit the trunk. The tree split from top to bottom and splinters flew in every direction. The woodpecker took off in a flash but came back a few minutes later with several of his buddies and said: “Look there what I did.”
    All to often we, like that little woodpecker, take credit for things that are truly acts of God.