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Religion

  • Getting tooth pulled without Novocain not so bad

    Perhaps you heard about the wife and husband who interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.

    “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t have time for Novocain,” the wife said. “I’m in a big hurry to get back to the beach. Just yank it out quickly, and we’ll be on our way.”

    Needless to say, the dentist was quite impressed.

    “You’re an incredibly brave woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”

  • Letting God take control, because when I try to fix things, they get worse

    Dear God,

    As you know, last Sunday morning I posted the following on Facebook:

    “Dear God,

    I’m trying to control the universe as best I can, but I think I’m failing at it. It might be time for me to step aside and let you take over – I hear you laughing! – but I’m not sure I know how to do that, seeing as I’ve been doing this for so long.

    So, please be patient with me and don’t smite me with boils or ugly hair.

    Thank you, NK”

  • Local Church News | Aug. 10, 2016

    Monterey Baptist Church

    Our congregation rejoiced as Richard and Brooke Lancaster were baptized in Cedar Creek following morning worship on Sunday, July 31.

    The MBC family mourns with Bro. Jeremy on the passing of his grandfather, Garnett Newton. Mr. Newton was known as “the Mayor of Baghdad.”

    “Promotion Sunday,” to recognize Sunday school promotions, will be held during morning worship on Aug. 14.

    The deacons will meet tonight (Wednesday) following adult Bible study.

  • It's so hot birds are using oven mitts to gather worms

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    One ol’ boy was complaining about how hot it is this summer.

    He said it’s so hot that birds have been using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground. He said cows are giving evaporated milk. He said farmers are even feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

  • We envy others because we are the ones who want to be envied

    Just when I think I’m not so bad, something happens to show me that I am so bad – bad to my rotting bones.

    There’s this person.

    For some reason I feel an intense, irrational, utterly petty competitiveness with her, even though we’re not competitors in any area whatsoever. Frankly, I don’t think she even knows who I am, but I sure know who she is.

    I make it my business to know her business and am giddy with glee whenever something goes even a little bit askew in her life.

  • Man can easily determine gender of flies he swats

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.

    “What are you doing?” she asked.

    “I’m swatting flies,” he said. “So far, I’ve gotten three males and two females.”

    Puzzled, his wife asked how he knew which gender they were.

    “That’s easy,” he explained. “Three were on my recliner, and the other two were on the telephone.”

  • In the midst of hardship, as long as we have serenity, we are OK

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the Serenity Prayer.

    That’s the one that goes: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    Although the prayer is often attributed to St. Francis, it was written in 1926 by Reinhold Niebuhr, a Lutheran theologian.

    Fun fact: Niebuhr also wrote one of my favorite quotes about humor being the “prelude to faith” and laughter being the “beginning of prayer.”

  • Local Church News | July 27, 2016

    Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church

    Flo Parker inspiringly sang, “All on the Altar.”  “Til the Storm Passes By” was sung by the choir, led by Barry Winkle. Congratulations to Angie Weddle on her profession of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ!  She will be baptized during worship on Sunday, Aug. 28. Bro. Dale’s sermon, “Jailhouse Rock- Part One” from Acts 16 showed us how the jailer’s actions and attitudes changed when he got saved.

  • Nothing quite like peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    A little boy opened his lunchbox and, peeking inside, saw a peanut butter and dill pickle sandwich smeared with mayonnaise and ketchup.

    “Oh, another of these crazy sandwiches,” he sighed as he pulled it out and took a big bite.

    The next day, the little boy opened his lunch box and exclaimed: “Won’t you look at this, another one of those peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches smeared with mayonnaise and ketchup.”

  • The Age of Outrage - let's end it with love and forgiveness, not rock throwing

    On Dec. 8, 2014, no one got eaten alive on the Discovery Channel’s “Eaten Alive” – and some viewers who tuned in to see carnage were outraged.

    On May 6 of the same year, actress Shailene Woodley outraged feminists by announcing that she’s not a feminist, and on Aug. 28, Hello Kitty fans were outraged when the Sanrio company said Hello Kitty “is not a cat.”