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Religion

  • Pet raccoons have to put up with that horrible smell

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    You may have heard about the fellow who brought a raccoon home and announced to his wife that he now has a new pet.

    She asked: “Where are you going to keep it?”

    “Right here in the house,” he replied.

    “But,” she continued, “what about the horrible smell?”

    “I got used to it,” he said. “I’m sure the raccoon will too.”

  • The rock is a reminder for people to never forget God's work in their lives

    Although I don’t think it’s terminal, it is chronic: I have a chronic case of CRS – Can’t Remember Stuff.

    That’s the diagnosis one of my co-workers gave me the other day. He may or may not have been joking.

    I tell people all the time to please, please, please remind me of stuff. It’s the CRS, folks. I just can’t remember.

    At least I’m not alone. The ancient Israelites had it too. They were always forgetting stuff, mostly the stuff God had done for them, even rescuing them from years of slavery in Egypt.

  • Local Church News | June 22, 2016

    Cedar Hill Baptist Church

    We were blessed with a wonderful vacation Bible school last week as we studied the life of Joseph with 56 children. Thanks to all those who came and thanks to the workers. A word of special thanks goes to FaDana for organizing, to Lisa for her decorating skills and media expertise, to Linda for leading the great music, and to Martha for organizing the food.

  • Where are the ashtrays? Right next to the spitoons

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H COLUMNIST

    Perhaps you’ve heard the tale about the little boy who, after church one Sunday, announced to his mother that he has decided to be a pastor when he grows up.

    “That’s OK with us,” his mother said, “but how did you make this decision?”

    “Well,” the boy replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.”

  • When we are afraid of the monsters, remember that God is there for us

    My grandfather sold insurance by day and in his spare time he was an artist.

    He mostly painted clowns – scary clowns.

    A few of his paintings hung in our house, which meant as a kid I had major heebie jeebies nearly all the time, especially at night.

    When you’re a kid getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and you know scary clowns are staring at you from the walls in the hallway, well, you grow up neurotic and afraid.

  • Local Church News | June 15, 2016

    Cedar Hill Baptist Church

    We had a wonderful message from Revelations 4:1-2, 6-11 on a guide to worship.  In order to worship we must recognize and acknowledge God and respond to Him.  Be in prayer for our Bible school this week.  We will be studying Joseph, from prison to palace.  Come join us each night this week beginning at 6 p.m.  If you need a ride please call 484-5236 or 514-1594.

  • Never rile an old mountaineer toting a double-barrel shotgun

    You know you’re getting old when you skip the health foods because you realize you need all the preservatives you can get.

    You know you’re getting old when, if you fall, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

    You know you’re getting old when you come to realize time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

    I’m not sure who authored those lines, but I found them quite amusing. They also got me thinking about what the Bible says about the aging process.

  • Holy Yoga wasn't about poses, it was about encountering the living God

    I love yoga – pants.

    Soft, comfy and forgiving. They’re great to wear around the house or to bed. They’re especially great to wear before, during and after you stop at the store and bring home a vanilla creme bundt cake and maybe slice into it one or 12 times too many.

    Not that I’ve ever done that, but if I do, I’ve got the perfect pants for it.

    Yoga itself I don’t know well enough to love. I love the idea of it, of wearing the clothes and being in a space that’s usually beautifully lit and serene.

  • Local Church News | June 8, 2016

    Cedar Hill Baptist Church

    We were greatly blessed Sunday as Linda led our music and sang a special with MiKayla.

    Also, appreciate testimonies shared by Linda and Glenna.  It is great to be bold in sharing how God has worked and is working in our lives.  Bro. Bill’s message was from Exodus 2:1-10 entitled “An Example for Today.”  It focused on what to do when we’ve done all we can do.

    Sunday evening we watched movie “Risen” and then celebrated Glenna’s birthday.

  • Horse stops quickly when Kmart manager pulls the plug

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    You might have heard about the fellow who climbed on the horse to take a ride, and then got frightened. He began to scream and holler for someone to stop the thing.

    If the Kmart manager hadn’t come out and unplugged it, that fellow feared he might have gotten hurt.

    Long Ridge’s own Cara Mohler shared that story the other day, and caused me to laugh out loud.