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Religion

  • Nothing quite like peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    A little boy opened his lunchbox and, peeking inside, saw a peanut butter and dill pickle sandwich smeared with mayonnaise and ketchup.

    “Oh, another of these crazy sandwiches,” he sighed as he pulled it out and took a big bite.

    The next day, the little boy opened his lunch box and exclaimed: “Won’t you look at this, another one of those peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches smeared with mayonnaise and ketchup.”

  • The Age of Outrage - let's end it with love and forgiveness, not rock throwing

    On Dec. 8, 2014, no one got eaten alive on the Discovery Channel’s “Eaten Alive” – and some viewers who tuned in to see carnage were outraged.

    On May 6 of the same year, actress Shailene Woodley outraged feminists by announcing that she’s not a feminist, and on Aug. 28, Hello Kitty fans were outraged when the Sanrio company said Hello Kitty “is not a cat.”

  • Local Church News | July 20, 2016

    Cedar Hill Baptist Church

    We were greatly blessed today as Ben Allen shared God’s Word with us. Using scriptures from Mark and John, he challenged us to answer the question “What do our lives say Christianity is?” We too often fall into the trap of sharing our religion instead of Christ. Sometimes we know all the “churchy answers” but we don’t truly know Christ. It was great to have Helen Allen and Mary Cobb and her family back worshipping with us today.

  • Quarantined man put on bologna and cheese diet

    BY ROGER ALFORD

    I heard this week about the fellow who went to the doctor and found out he had a very contagious disease. The doctor told him he was going to have to be quarantined and put on a bologna and see diet.

    “I understand being quarantined,” the fellow said. “But how is a bologna and cheese diet supposed to help me?”

    “It’s not that bologna and cheese will help you,” the doctor said. “That’s just the only food that will fit under the door.”

  • All Christians have some sin they hate, sin that brings them to their knees

    Ten years ago I wrote: “My friend Mike ate breakfast last week, which is nothing short of a miracle.

    “He doesn’t shake anymore or wake up in the middle of the night sweating. The little green monkeys that haunt him are gone too.”

    This week, my friend Mike is celebrating 10 years being sober. Not just sober, but healed and forgiven, whole and hopeful. He’s tasted the mercy of God, felt his hand of grace that pulled him from the abyss.

  • Local Church News | July 13, 2016

    Monterey Baptist Church

    If you haven’t returned your baby bottle for Avenues for Women clinic, please do so as soon as possible. Please return all bottles whether or not they are filled.

    The monthly planning meeting will be at 7 p.m., Tuesday, July 19. Everyone is encouraged to attend.

    A Night of Prayer will begin at 7 p.m., Saturday, July 23 at the church. This is a time for the church to come together for corporate prayer, as well as individual prayer.

    Adult Bible study meets at 7 p.m. on Wednesdays.

  • Lying woman puts police officer in awkward position

    BY ROGER ALFORD
    N-H Columnist

    Perhaps you heard about the woman who was pulled over for doing 65 mph in a 40 mph zone?

    When the policeman asked for her license, she told him she didn’t have one, that it was revoked two years ago for drunk driving.

    The policeman then asked for her vehicle registration, but she said she had stolen the car, killed the driver and stashed his body in the trunk.

    “Ma’am, don’t move,” the policeman ordered. “I’m calling for backup.”

  • Let God drive while you learn to enjoy the scenery and the ride

    When I first met my husband he drove a brand-new 1973 Mercury Comet GT, white with orange pinstripes along the sides and orange vinyl interior – and a manual transmission.

    As Barry attempted to teach me how to drive it, I proved myself to be a willing student, but not an adept one.

    I understood the whole clutch-brake-gas pedal thing in theory, but when it came to putting my foot on the correct pedal at the correct time there seemed to be either one too many pedals or I had one too few feet to do it right.

  • Local Church News | July 6, 2016

    Cedar Hill Baptist Church

    We had a wonderful morning of worship through beautiful special music provided by Mikala, observance of the Lord’s Supper, and a great message of truth from God’s Word. The message from Proverbs 29:18 titled “Give Them Something to Believe In” challenged us to surrender our whole life to God and to get our priorities in order.

  • It's hard for some bosses to call their workers 'darling'

    A fellow was bragging about his son Johnny getting a job over at the steel mill.

    On his first day, the floor boss, a man with a tough reputation and scolding tongue, called Johnny into his little office to lay some ground rules.

    “You the new man, huh?,” he asked in a gruff voice. “What’s your name?”

    “My name is Johnny,” the young fellow responded.