Yours, mine, and ours: Managing your money together

Money can be a sore subject for many couples. In fact, money causes more arguments in a relationship than nearly every other topic combined. Whether you struggle to make ends meet or you’re sitting on a nest egg, chances are good you and your spouse haven’t always been eye-to-eye on the green stuff.
When a couple prepares for marriage, they generally talk about the exciting aspects of merging their lives: Whether to use his comfy recliner or her fancy three-piece living room suit; whether to spend the holidays with his family or hers; whether to register for the blue bath towels or the green ones. While it is easier for a couple to have these types of conversations, it’s much harder to talk about things like, “How much money will health, life, care, and home insurance cost us out-of-pocket?” or “How will we afford groceries, gas, and rent?”
Because today’s couples are getting married at older ages than past generations, spouses are bringing individual wealth (and debt) into the marriage. Husbands and wives are more likely to have separate bank accounts, car payments, and possibly mortgages. Learning to think from a “we” perspective opposed to a “me” perspective is challenging for most couples. How to balance yours, mine, and ours takes work and commitment from bother partners.
Communicating about finances requires honesty, patience, supportiveness, and respect. Couples must learn to balance each other’s financial needs and wants within the confines of a practical budget. In general, the smaller the gap that exists between reality and a couple’s expectations about their relationship, the more satisfied they are in their marriage. In other words, the more realistic a couple can be about their marital expectations, the better their chances are for success.
Whether you and your spouse decide to open a joint bank account, or you decide to maintain separate accounts but split the bills, is something that should be openly discussed while weighing both the risks and benefits of each choice. Regardless, it is important to be mindful of the marriage itself. Maintaining a “his and hers” mentality could breed division in the relationship. In the beginning stages of your marriage, don’t be quick to assign financial statements together until you have established a routine that you both agree upon and trust. Gaining initial hands-on experience through budgeting and bill paying will help you and your spouse learn how to better manage your finances as a team.

Buy this photo

Source: Jennifer Hunter, Extension Specialist for Family Finance, and Nichole Huff, Family Studies doctoral student, University of Kentucky College of Agriculture