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The Golden Gobble Awards

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By Brian Blair

It seems like every time you turn on the television there is another awards show. There are the AMAs, the CMAs and the PCAs (not the Politically Correct Awards, but rather the People’s Choice Awards).

In the spirit of award shows and Thanksgiving, I have come up with what I am calling the Golden Gobble Awards. These awards are for those individuals or groups who have acted like the biggest turkeys in 2008.

May I have the envelopes please?

The Golden Gobble for Male Turkey of the Year goes to Billy Gillispie. The University of Kentucky men’s basketball coach rode home to victory thanks to an early-season loss to VMI at Rupp Arena. How do you lose to the Virginia Military Academy at home? That is simply inexcusable. I do not mean to disrespect the Keydets. They came in to Rupp Arena and played well. They are a consistently high-scoring team and someone should have told that to the Wildcat defenders. Remember when everyone wanted to get rid of Tubby Smith because he lost too many games at home? Has anyone ever heard of Gardner-Webb, San Diego or VMI? We have now. Thanks Billy G.

The Golden Gobble for Female Turkey of the Year goes to Becky Hammon. Who is Becky Hammon you may ask? She is the American who played basketball in the Beijing Olympics for the Russians. Hammon who plays in the WNBA joined the Russian team during the off season and even became a Russian citizen in order to play for their national team. Hammon, who was overlooked by Team USA, not only took her ball and went home, she defected. I know it may not be popular to be an American in some circles today, but this to me is somewhat ridiculous. I realize the Cold War is over and relations between the two countries are much better, but to be an American and put on the uniform of the Russians is worthy of a Golden Gobble.

My final Golden Gobble for Overall Performance by a Group of Turkeys goes to the Cincinnati Bengals. This choice should not need any explanation but indulge me and let me vent. In a league that invites parity it should impossible to be as futile as they have been over the last few years. The league has a salary cap and revenue sharing to insure that teams win every once in a while. Yet the Bengals continue to defy the odds and stink year in and year out. They did have one exception in 2005 but that now seems like decades ago. Instead, they continue to have guys in trouble with the law, fall asleep in meetings and generally not be very good football players. Come on fellows, you are better than that – at least I hope so.

This concludes this year’s edition of the Golden Gobble Awards. I hope you enjoyed it. Let the nominations begin for 2009.

Happy Thanksgiving!